Earlier in the month, my friend texts me and says I HAVE turn on 106.7 XL because they were giving away free IVF. Because IVF is extremely expensive, the radio giving it to someone is pretty amazing. I just needed to write a 500 word or less essay, which is challenging because so much has happened in four years. I did my best to explain it and here is what I wrote:
I didn’t originally have infertility. I easily became pregnant with my daughter,
Genevieve, within four months of trying.
My husband, Jake, and I were ecstatic and so thankful for this little miracle. Over Thanksgiving, we drove up to Illinois to
attend our baby shower. Our families
were so excited for us, and we were ready to take home our little girl. On December 1, 2014, when I was 34 weeks
pregnant, I heard those words no mother wants to hear, “There is no heartbeat.”
Somehow, I drove to the closest hospital, spent two days in labor, and gave
birth to my stillborn daughter on December 3, 2014. Her name: Genevieve Pearl.
But this story isn’t about her, it is about what came after.
I have secondary infertility. Even worse, the doctors are unsure why I am
having such a difficult time getting pregnant.
In September of 2015, after months of trying, I went to my OB/GYN who suggested
I get a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to make sure my tubes were open. I was even told that many women get pregnant
shortly after they receive one. My tubes
were clear, but I still didn’t get pregnant. I went to see a reproductive endocrinologist
(RE) who thought that I had endometriosis and scheduled me for an ultrasound to
see if there was fluid around my uterus.
There was, so the next step was surgery.
Instead of calling the office on cycle day one, I called to
tell them I was pregnant! However, I had
a blighted ovum so there was a gestational sac with no baby. I miscarried at 6 weeks in May 2016. It took me 15 months to get to this point,
and like that, I was back where I started.
I already lost one baby, this made me 0-2.
In the fall of 2016, I did go through with the surgery. My RE was able to clear out all of the
endometriosis, and I was told I should easily become pregnant. After three months of trying, my RE suggested
I come in and discuss Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). He said if I didn’t get pregnant after two rounds,
I should schedule another HSG. I did one
IUI in the spring, and the second in the fall.
Still no positive pregnancy test, so I had the HSG.
This time, I was one of the lucky ones who became pregnant
after the procedure. I went to my first
appointment the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and was told I would most likely
miscarry. I was pregnant for 8 weeks, was
told the baby stopped growing, and had a D&C—making me 0-3.
Normally, people with secondary infertility have one living
child. Unfortunately, we do not. When your first child is stillborn, it
shouldn’t be so difficult to get pregnant.
I want to be able to bring a baby home and I feel like IVF is my best
option.
Then I put a link to this blog. Even if I don't win, maybe someone whose been through something similar will read this and feel comforted. Maybe it will raise awareness of the frequency of stillbirth. Maybe what I have gone through will affect someone else's life in a positive way. Just maybe. Hopefully.
I love you now and always.
Mom
