I went into your nursery today. I sometimes like to go in there to be close to you. I will touch your blanket and christening gown. I smell the hat that you wore on your head. I hug your urn and tell you how much I love you. I always feel like you say you love me too. Sometimes I go in there and just cry.
Today, I went into the closet to look for yarn for a baby hat I'm making for the baby I asked you to look over. I've been in the closet before and I've seen and touched your things in there. This time I had move bedding to get to the yarn. This time, I broke down seeing your things. This time, it was hard.
The last couple of days have been very hard. I miss you more and more every day. I love you more and more each day, and I love you significantly more than I miss you.
I decided to make a blanket for a future rainbow baby. I have mixed feelings about it. I almost feel like I'm saying goodbye, but I could never do that to you. I love getting your messages and I want you to continue to do that for me. I also want to have a living child and I need hope. I know you want that for me too. I wish and would do almost anything for you to be my rainbow baby, but I know that won't happen.
Just know that no other baby could replace you. You're my special Eve Believe and I love you with all of my soul. I love you with every essence of my being and I will continue to for all my life and there after. You will forever be my perfect child.
I love you and miss you always.
Love,
Mommy
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