I can't believe this project is almost complete! I'm pleasantly surprised I was able to discuss something about each topic. I had never shared any pictures of my sweet girl (minus her feet) on Facebook. The only people ever able to view them where people who looked through her album or at my phone. It was so nice to share her with all of you because she's extraordinary. I don't get to share much about her, and I get very excited when I do get to share the few things I have.
So I took this picture today. I don't like my picture being taken anymore because I've gained weight. I know I have. I had a baby, she died, and I gained weight. End of story. However, weight gain isn't the only difference between the pictures. I carry this sadness with me now. Wherever I go, it follows. It's not that I never feel happiness, I do. It's just that it's not as often and it's usually jaded with guilt.
I was hoping that I would get to wear that pumpkin shirt again and announce a new pumpkin is in my life (and belly), but it's not and I can't. I was hoping that tomorrow, I would do the sunset picture with a positive pregnancy test and say "look at this thing I peed on!" I can't.
I'm not sure how to end this because I was wanting to end this on a hopeful note. I can't. I'm not seeing a rainbow, I only see the storm.
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