I'm turning 29 soon. I'm turning 29 in 15 days to be exact. And I'm not exactly sure how that happened. I was supposed to be 29 with an almost 15 month old in my arms. We both know that won't happen. If I could just hold you one more time, I would never let go. I would hold you and hold you forever.
What I realized is that if I don't get pregnant by June, I won't have a baby by 30. I don't know why that gives me pause. I know it's just a number and that I'll still be a good mother even if I have my first living baby at 30.
I don't know why it even bothers me. It seems so silly. I don't feel 29, I don't feel like any age. It's like I just am.
I've been thinking about this long and hard and I've decided that whatever age I am ill still be a good mom. I'll be able to provide for a baby much better in my 30's than in my 20's. I'll be able to give your brother or sister a better life than what I would have, had I had a baby in my early 20's.
I think whenever I have a baby, I'll be so excited and grateful, no matter my age. I'll appreciate him or her that much more because I've waited so long. You'll have a part of it. Your brother and sister will be so loved and cherished since I didn't get to love on and cherish you the way o would like or the way you deserve. I try to do the best I can, but it's hard not getting to hold you and do all those things mommies get to do. But I promise you, no matter my age, I will do those things for your brother or sister. I know I will feel your love through them as you feel mine.
But in order to get to that place, can ya help your mom out with getting me pregnant? ;) I love you and miss you always.
Love,
Mommy
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