It finally happened for me. The day before Mother's Day, I saw the second pink line. I stared at the stick in disbelief that there was actually a second line there. I called for your dad to make sure I wasn't just seeing things. He saw it too. Fifteen months. That is how long it took to see a second line. Fifteen months. We couldn't believe it.
That weekend we were staying at a timeshare resort. We didn't know it before we book the hotel, but there was a Lake Eve on the property. "Aww," we thought. We knew you were going to be with us for that Mother's Day weekend. It was bittersweet. We were with you, even if we couldn't see you. Then to make our weekend even better, we saw that second pink line. How could we be so lucky?
I woke up on Mother's Day at 2 am in the morning and immediately took more pregnancy tests for confirmation. I got it. Both pregnancy tests were positive. I ran to your daddy and woke him up. We immediately fell in love with your sibling and we felt so blessed for this gift you gave us. We were sure it came from you. It made Mother's Day bearable since I was on cloud 9 the entire day.
I was on cloud 9 the entire week. I was so happy to be pregnant. I was scare too, but I was so overjoyed to have a second little one, your sibling. Your dad and I were convince she was a girl, even though it was way too early to find out. We just knew it was a girl.
Friday, your daddy and I went to see the high risk doctor. We were hoping to see a little alien-like creature in my tummy. I had prepared myself the entire week to not see the heartbeat. I knew it was too early and I didn't want to scare myself. I told the doctor I would be 5 weeks, but when she did the ultrasound, she only saw the gestational sac and no yolk or fetal pole. She said it was consistent with being pregnant for 4 weeks. She sent me out to do blood work. I was nervous, but your dad was not.
Saturday we went to visit with your grandma and when we came back that evening, I saw blood. It was not a lot, just a few drops, but it was there. I did not bleed with you so I was nervous. I made an appointment with an urgent care to be sure there wasn't an infection. He sent us to the emergency room.
I had several tests run, and it appeared my HCG hormone was low, but we had nothing to compare it to since my other blood work did not come back. It was looking very grim. I tried to hold out hope, but I figured there was no point. My paperwork said it all "threatened abortion." When I read those words, I just knew I was going to have another angel.
Sunday morning around 2, I woke up to blood and pain. I was huddled over in pain and knew that I was miscarrying. Thank goodness your father insisted I go to the hospital. I was shaking in pain the short ride there and when I arrived I told the man what was happening.
I am taken in right away. The nurse sits at the desk and I sit on the chair. Although she heard everything I told the man in the window, she asked me what happened. I said it again "I'm having a miscarriage". I told her about the ER visit earlier. I told her how I woke up with blood and pain and that I took ibuprofen to help with the pain. She looks at me and asks "You're pregnant?" I said I was and she replies with "you're not supposed to take ibuprofen if you are pregnant."
Eve Believe, I have seen so much ugly in this world. And in that moment, I could have turned and slapped her. I could have turned to her and said, "Thanks a lot you insensitive cow." I could have done so many things. But I didn't. I said again I was miscarrying. She gets up and slowly walks down the hall to bring us to our room. She does not speak to any of the nurses and leaves us there. My hands start to go numb. I can't believe this is happening to me again. I call for a nurse and say I can't feel my hands.
A nurse comes to the room and takes my blood pressure. I told her what happened. I told her about the insensitive cow. I told her about you. I told her I can't believe I am losing another baby.
The doctor comes in and we talk. They finally give me pain medicine to help with the pain. The doctor does a pelvic exam and sees that I am having a miscarriage and I have tissue causing the pain. He removes it and I immediately feel relief. I am so grateful for that doctor. He was so compassionate and understanding.
When we were alone, your daddy and I cried for our baby. We decided to call her Raine since she was supposed to be our rainbow and it could be unisex. Even though we thought she was a girl, we still wanted a unisex name in case. You have a sibling. You are a big sister. You get to be with her and I don't. Please take care of her.
I imagine you both running through a field holding hands and giggling. I imagine you playing with each other and giving kisses to Grandma Muggy. I imagine you both happy. Your daddy and I love you both, forever and always.
Love,
Mommy
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