Today was a sunny, rainy day. The sun would be shining and the rain would fall from the clear blue sky. There were also storm clouds, but that's not where the rain fell. It was the perfect recipe for a rainbow.
I used to never be fascinated before by rainbows. But since I've lost you, and I learned what a rainbow baby was, I always look for them. So today was no different. When we were climbing into the van to go to your Grammie's house, I looked. When we drove to Applebee's I looked, and each time I looked, I saw nothing but the sky.
It was dissappointing because I was hoping it would be a sign from you that I would have my rainbow baby. I continued to search for this elusive rainbow without success.
I had finally given up and forgot about it. On the way home from your Grammie's, your daddy was talking to me about something and he stops and says, "Hey, look! There's a rainbow. " I look at it and thought, " Oh there you are! I've been searching for you!" It was as if you appeared to me to show me that I will have a rainbow of my own.
The last few weeks have been difficult and today was indicative of that. The rainbow only comes to me when I'm not searching. It has taken me awhile, but I finally have come to terms with the idea of focusing on me. I have been doing that a lot lately, but I was becoming stressed over every little thing.
I want to be at my best for my rainbow and the only way I can do that is to focus on healing. I want to give my all to him or her because he or she will deserve it. Please help me heal. Please keep showing me signs. Please let me know you are there.
I love you and miss you always.
Love,
Mommy
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