Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I want you to be my valentine. I want to kiss your cheeks and watch you sleep in my arms and for you to be mine.
You will always be mine. You will always be our eldest daughter, our first born, and no one can ever take that away. In that sense, you'll always be ours. It just hurts that you can't be physically ours. Not that it's your fault, it just is.
I read this quote on Pinterest where someone said they hoped babies that are aborted or die go to mothers in heaven who died in childbirth so they could hold a baby. I found it horrifying. I couldn't image you being with a different mother and her pretending you were hers. I image you are with my Grandma Muggy, you're namesake, and with Jesus. Or I imagine you're with other angel babies watching over me. I imagine you tell them I'm yours, just like you'll always be mine.
When I die, I imagine you'll be given to me again and we will be together with your daddy. Our family finally complete.
I hope you know how much I love you and how much I think of you. How much I cry for you and how I think of you and feel happiness, not just sadness.
I hope you'll be my valentine this year.
I love you and miss you always.
Love,
Mommy
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