Tragically Beautiful

Dear Me, 

Did you ever think you would be at the point where everything horrid and beautiful would be so intertwined that it's hard to tell the two apart? Did you ever think your life would be like this? Short answer no. But it is. 

I think about my life and how it is this beautifully tragic balance of life and death. I made this calendar of my little family and it of course had pictures of Genevieve surrounded by pictures of the husband and I smiling or funny pictures of our animals. I think about how the only real pictures I have of Genevieve are after she passed and how beautifully tragic those are too. This is our life, her death and our continued life interwoven in this web of delicate design. 

I never would have thought of death as beautiful until I met Genevieve. Her cute chubby cheeks and her sweet face will always be perfect in a shade of sepia to hid the fact she was red when born and started to turn purple later on. She will remain perfect forever, never able to sin or make mistakes. She's the epitome of perfection and the cost of that perfection is death. And though she is dead, it doesn't take away how tragically beautiful she is, it's her. 

And so I ponder my life and this delicate web it has become. Life and death are placed on this intricate balance without one side teetering an inch. My life, my family, has this one member missing and yet, I feel that maybe she never left. The scale it can go one way or the other, but it doesn't.  It just is. Like life, it just is. 

And this whole time I find it logically intriguing and emotionally exhausting, but it is mine all the same. 

Sincerely,

Me