Part of this IUI experience requires me to give myself a shot. It may seem like no big deal, but with my history of needles, it was a big deal. When I was younger, I was terrified of them. Even the thought of getting a shot or having to get blood drawn would make me hyperventilate. When I was really little, I would run away and hide. The nurses would have to drag me out and then hold me down in order to get a shot. Yeah. I was that kid.
When I was in high school the National Honors Society was having a blood drive. Everyone with a cabinet position was supposed to help run it, and I was the only one not to do it. I would have rather gone to class all day then help with the blood drive. In college, I would look in the other direction when they would have blood drives in the dorms. I was usually on my way to get lunch and I would feel nauseous eating it.
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| Let's do this! |
I always hoped I wouldn't be diabetic because I didn't know how anyone could poke themselves with needles. And as I found out yesterday, they do it pretty easily. I was told the needle in the trigger shot is similar to the ones used when administering insulin. I was told it was not going to hurt, but I think the anxiety of the idea of giving myself a shot mixed with the denial that I was as nervous as a I was, blew it up in my head. So when I took a chunk of stomach one inch from my belly button and stuck myself, the thought that came up was, "Dude, that doesn't hurt at all." Yes. I thought the word "Dude."
I pushed down the syringe and thought to myself that it wasn't that bad, and then it started to burn. I started to feel a little dizzy and told myself I was going to finish this shot. So I did. I mean, I guess it is not that impressive being that I was by myself and there was no way your dad could help me since he was still at work. But gosh darn it, I did it! I am very proud of myself, if you can't tell. :)
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| I don't think I am very good at it based on that red spot. |
Now that the worse part (so far) is done, I go in for procedure this Sunday. My anxiety and hopefulness is rolled together in a ball that is currently sitting in my stomach. After the procedure, I have to wait the dreaded two weeks. The best part (not) is that I will feel like I am pregnant for the next two weeks because of the lovely trigger shot. I also can't test early because the trigger shot produces positive pregnancy tests. I have to wait 14 days to test.
What day might you ask is 14 days from the day of the procedure? Why, that would be Mother's Day. Yes. That's right. Mother's Day. I found out the day before Mother's Day when I was pregnant with baby Raine. I mean how wonderful would that be if it was positive on Mother's Day? Then again, how terrible would it be if it was negative on Mother's Day? I mean the day already stinks because I don't get to spend it with you. So I am torn about it all, and I am sure I will take the entire 14 days to think about it and over analyze the entire thing, while feeling pregnancy symptoms the whole time. Fun. I need a glass of wine thinking about it.
I love you and think of you. Always.
Love,
Mom
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