This Saturday, I should be putting a 1 month sticker on my baby, taking multiple pictures, and then putting those pictures on Facebook. Instead, I'll be reading Genevieve's eulogy at her memorial. I'm sure this is contributing to my nerves.
It continues to upset me that my husband feels, as do I, he must "prove" that Eve is real. It sounds ludacris in my head, but the feeling of wanting to be justified in my grief by his family is real. He doesn't think they realize they lost a grandchild and that if we have another baby, our pain won't disappear. It won't and the reason it won't is because Eve was a real little girl. She's our daughter and we love her. You can't just replace that and there will always be a special place in our heart for her.
My husband also asked his best friend to not bring his baby to the memorial. This Saturday, will already be difficult without a reminder that we don't have a baby, but he does. We haven't heard a response, but we have a feeling the baby's mother will throw a fit. I could see her being uneasy about people watching her if it were her first child, but it's her second. Her mother can easily watch the baby. However, we haven't heard back from his friend, so I suppose that is also contributing to my anxiety.
I just hope for the sake of my and my husband's healing, every acts the way they should.
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