I have a feeling I might be pregnant. It's scary writing down because what if I'm wrong? I know this is private between you and I (and the few people I share it with), but I'm still scared of writing it down. I'm scared because it means I have hope and I don't want to loose it.
Your godmother says I have an internal battle between fear and hope and it's up to me to decide who wins. It's easier to let fear win, and since it's easier you know it's the wrong path. So naturally, I want hope to win. People can't live without hope. I don't want to live without hope. However, in my dreams it seems fear is winning.
I worry this monster lived within me and one day it will come out and take over. I'll be shriveled, and in a corner of myself. The beast will be free and create more havoc, more fear. I need to figure out how to slay this monster. I don't think it'll ever be fully extinguished, but I think having your brother or sister (or both- c'mon, mama wants twins) will help. I do better facing things head on.
Writing to you always makes me feel better. I often snuggle your blanket to bring me comfort. The kitties also like your blanket. I love you and miss you always.
Love,
Mommy
Nobody could be more deserving. I hope with all my heart this is it for you!
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