An Open Letter to Placebo:
I want to tell you a love story. More specifically, I want to tell you about mine and my husband's love story. Not with each other, the love story I want to tell you has to do with a tiny little girl named Genevieve. I'm sure when you were writing Loud Like Love, you weren't writing it for a little girl named Genevieve. I'm sure you wrote it based on something in your own life. But I want you to know, that while you may not have known it at the time, you did, in fact, write it for my little girl. You wrote it about us.
I found out I was pregnant on the 5th of May. While everyone was out celebrating Cinco de Mayo, I was celebrating the little peanut in my tummy. When my husband and I found out we were having a girl, we already had her name chosen. Genevieve Pearl. It was perfect just like her. Classic. It was everything we wanted her to be. We were going to call her Eve. She was going to be spunky and sassy and throw a baseball, just like her daddy. She was going to be outspoken like me. Eve was going to be the best of both Jake and me.
Jake is the fan, not me. Don't get me wrong, I like your music and I'm writing this letter, but Jake is the one who listens to your concerts on YouTube and buys your CDs. Loud Like Love spoke to him. Especially the part that says, "Breathe, Breathe, Believe." Your song reminded him of the sweet baby growing inside my tummy and the nickname "Eve Believe" was born.
We would play Loud Like Love for her and every time it was on, I could feel her dancing. She knew this song was just for her. I knew this song was about us because it described the love we had for her. It was a love song about us. It was a love song about the love we had for our Eve Believe.
On December 1st, I was told the worst possible news a person could hear. "There's no heartbeat." It didn't make sense. Why was there no heartbeat? There must be some kind of mistake. My Eve Believe can't be gone. I haven't gotten to officially meet her and put her Eve Believe onesies on her and all those other things parents get to do with their baby. Our angel was born sleeping on December 3rd.
I didn't listen to Loud Like Love again for awhile. The next time I heard the song was a month later at her memorial. We played it for a church full of our family and friends. It's not really a song one would normally play at a memorial. But it was our song and I wanted it played. However, I was scared that when I heard the song again, I would hate it. It would remind me of all I lost and I didn't know if I could handle it. That's not what it did. It morphed into something new. The lyrics took on a whole new meaning more deep and profound than I previously thought. It was about me. It was about my husband. And it was about our Eve Believe. It made me happy. Truly happy. In the depth of my despair, this song put a smile on my face. I could imagine my daughter rocking out with all of her angel baby friends in heaven.
I still listen to Eve Believe's song. It's our song, my little family with the angel baby. Whenever I need a reminder, I turn it on and remember to "Breathe, Breathe Believe."
Sincerely,
Genevieve's Mommy, Chrissie
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